One of the most demanding facets of parenting is to discipline your child. As they grow, they need to change their manner of discipline as at this point they have their own reasoning. They must be expected to be responsible for their actions. How to deal with a disrespectful grown child must have crossed every parent’s mind at some point in time. Here are some ways you could deal with the matter:
- Make an agreement
- Be a creator instead of a reactor
- Create validation dialogue
- Control your stand in the relationship
- Make them your friends
- Breaks need not be forever
- Let the unspoken things flow
- Flush out the toxicity
- Get curious and engage
Table of Contents
Here’s What Our 5 Experts Say About How to Deal With a Disrespectful Grown Child
1. Shirley Baldwin
Shirley Baldwin is an accomplished entrepreneur, author, and certified transformational life coach who has come up with 4 ways to deal with a disrespectful grown child. When your child is young and being disrespectful you can give them an extra chore to do or send them to their room but with a grown child, these easy of disciplining won’t work. So,
● Make an Agreement
Make a clear agreement that you will not stand their disrespect and set a respectful boundary. Make them know the consequences of their actions that will happen no matter what. Make it clear to them about the set of boundaries that involves what can be said and what not, what is tolerable and what is not acceptable.
If the disrespect continues, do what you said the consequences will be. Here, you are simply fulfilling the agreement of actions and consequences you made earlier. Unlike younger children, they already know what the consequences will be according to the agreement, so they won’t be surprised at what you deliver.
● Be a Creator Instead of a Reactor
Being a reactor will only make you what your child is and it would further elevate the situation. However, being a creator, you can transform the situation into however you want it to be.
Slow down even if you are raging and think about what you want to formulate with your child. Is it aggression? Or is it a dialogue of peaceful conversation? Remember your child learns from you. Even if you quit tolerating while they continue to be disrespectful, you are still creating an example of being wise and fair.
● Create a Validation Dialogue
Validate their anger or frustration. Say things like, “I’m sorry that you feel this way” or “It must have been hard for you.” validation can easily defuse a lot of arguments and make them feel heard and acknowledged.
● Control Your Stand in The Relationship
Make a stand that doesn’t prompt a disrespectful response. Whoever you be in the conversation of validation or agreement making, make sure you don’t end up being a part of the problem.
Ask questions like, “How do you feel about being my child” that will make them share their perspective and lead you to the answers to what is creating a barrier between you two. If you are at fault unknowingly, you may learn it then.
2. Jacob Brown
Jacob Brown is a registered associate of marriage and a family therapist who has ardent experience of how to deal with a disrespectful grown child. He agrees that dealing with a disrespectful or aggressive child can be very confusing and upsetting. Beware that in this confusion, you may end up treating them like a child rather than an adult. Here’s what you can do:
● Make Them Your Friends
Treat them how you would treat disrespectful friends of yours. Let them know their behavior was offensive, set a boundary, and cut off communication if they continue being so. This way you establish an adult-adult conversation.
● Breaks Need Not Be Forever
If they break communication with you remember that breaks are not forever. If they apologize, then forgive and try again. Your goal is not to punish them but to remind them that they can’t treat you badly.
3. Claudia Luiz
Claudia Luiz, a psychoanalyst and an author, when sharing her views on how to deal with a disrespectful grown child has said that you need to unearth your child’s unspoken shame, unspoken hurt, and unspoken anger that lies underneath the disrespectful retaliation. This will replace disrespect with understanding as unresolved feelings or trauma transforms into negativity against the parent. Make them realize that we are all imperfect, vulnerable human beings.
4. Sherrie Campbell
Sherrie Campbell who is an expert and an author in clinical psychology believes that toxic adult children need to have the same boundaries as a young immature child. You need to be ready with some tough love at this juncture, as adult children tend to be exacting with their abuses, which involves cutting off relations for some point in time.
5. Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC
Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is a licensed clinical professional counselor and a certified imago therapist who understands that a disrespectful grown child is in real pain. So instead of confronting, choose your boundaries carefully and try to establish if their disrespect is too heinous to even approach.
If you feel you could move beyond, then show them love and tell them how much hurt their actions have caused. This dialogue could create a strong, long-term relationship between you two.
The Bottom Line: How to Deal With a Disrespectful Grown Child?
Being disrespected by your own child can be painful but remember that the unseen, unheard, and unspoken is what causes them to retaliate in grievous ways towards you. Engaging them in a conversation by calming the down with boundaries is the best way to deal with the matter, according to experts.
FAQs
Why is my grown child so rude to me?
Your adult child must be going through difficult moments that are straining them mentally; things that they don’t want to share with you, probably because they believe you won’t be of any assistance. Their disrespect or anger might have roots in issues that you, as a parent, are not able to meaningfully address such as trauma or mental illness.
How to deal with a disrespectful grown child?
The best way of how to deal with a disrespectful grown child is by opening up an honest and straightforward conversation with them. If they continue to excuse their behavior, you could try to see through to the root of their anger and avoidance. Therapy for both the parent and child individually could be an option too.
How do you know if you are being toxic towards your child?
The traits of toxic parents are a lack of empathy towards their kids. The lack of empathy manifests itself through biting remarks about their children’s appearance, career challenges, financial struggles, physical or mental health, and relationship status.
